I have no friends. By this, I don’t mean that I don’t have friends on social media or I am an asocial person, and I don’t or open up when I am surrounded by people. I do all that when needed.
What I mean is I don’t have real friends. I don’t 2 am or 3 am friends. I had few friends, but they deserted and abandoned (I hate to use these words) me saying I am too pessimist and they would rather spend time with a happy and cheerful person. I am neither grumbling or bemoaning. I am neither miserable and sorrowful.
I am sparkling with contentment and beaming with confidence and self-esteem. More than that I am thankful for life and to everyone and everything else.
Though there was never a time when I was drowning in the waves of loneliness but still thoughts such as there is something fundamentally wrong with me used to cross my mind occasionally. I used to think that I am alone because I handled it all wrong, maybe I am selfish and self-centered.
Now, I have stopped admonishing and criticizing myself. There is no point in finding fault and holding others or myself responsible for my lack of friends.
A Harvard University research suggests that having no friends could be as deadly as smoking and could be an indication of a severe disorder both physically and emotionally. But one can have many friends and still feel lonely and disconnected.
I am not a loner, and not scared of “hanging out” with people I don’t know or making new friends. But I don’t want to waste my life with people when we don’t vibrate on the same frequency and who don’t rhyme with my life. It’s far better to be alone rather than with people with no substance.
As Jean-Paul Sartre said, if you are lonely when you’re alone, you are in bad company.
I didn’t do anything earth-shattering or innovative to enjoy my solitude and not feel lonely.
I just became myself. I rediscovered myself. I befriended myself. I talked to myself, sang to myself and wrote to myself. I learned to live with myself. I have cultivated a confident self on whom I can rely in the moment of crisis.
I have developed few hobbies, so spending time doesn’t get easier. To confront the demons of loneliness, I don’t have to build relationships.
I don’t have to engage in unwanted gossips, forced conversions, meaningless social pleasantries, and small talk. I don’t have to spend time in mundane and popular stuff.
I travel solo now. I go on hiking trips, walking tours, street fairs. Though I have been on many work trips alone, its now that I travel alone for pleasure. And pleasure means serious fun. I can decide where I have to go, what mode of transport to take, what kind of accommodation I opt for based on my limited budget. I can stop wherever I want to take photographs, and I don’t necessarily have to return by some fixed time and date. I can take a detour if I am not enjoying the place or I can just return midway if I am not feeling good. I don’t have to wait for others. I am stronger now and appreciate diversity better.
I have started digging deeper into essential and more substantial issues such as who am I? Why am I here? I get plenty of time to analyze my life or reflect on existential matters.
I don’t have to politically or socially correct all the time. I can be unapologetically me with no pretensions and drama. I don’t have to explain why, where, what and how’s!
I don’t disappoint people and don’t get disappointed either because there are no expectations. It doesn’t matter when they don’t do something or support me the way I want them to. No one gets hurt, and I think that’s very important.
What is your take on being alone and enjoying the bliss of solitude?